What a fucking waste of an outfit
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
it's great music for shaving your balls
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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