Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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