I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
