im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
