I bet he comes in French.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
