Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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