I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
