All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
