My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
