Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
