Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
