we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
