It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
