check it out our google latitudes are spooning
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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