grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
