I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Randomize
