Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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