I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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