I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
