Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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