I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
