Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
