i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
