Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
