Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
