Christians are straight up FREAKS
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
