a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Randomize
