Hey man sorry I got all grabby
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
