I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
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