Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
