I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
