he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
