Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
