It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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