Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
