I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
