i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
