WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
