Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
