I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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