I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You left your phone here
Wait...
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