woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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