Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
