Swine flu. Run for my life!
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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