vagina is talking i cant
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
