how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
