Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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