names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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