My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
We were destined to go to rehab together
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
