It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
