She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
