I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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