So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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