I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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