Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
